It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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