There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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