Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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