the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
