it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
