i jhust puked up my retainher.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
