I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
