my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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