I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
