i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
