Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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