He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
