There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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