I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
