Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
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Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
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Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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