i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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