So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
