no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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