I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
