Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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