Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think people are normalizing furries
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
