I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
