i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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