the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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