I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
His hands were made for my vagina.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
