You're completely useless in the revolution.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
