i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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