i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
