My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
