you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
