Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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