dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize