I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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