my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
