I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
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Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
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i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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