what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
