i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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