we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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