Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
