Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
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I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
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Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it