Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
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I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.