did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
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dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
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Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.