I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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