my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
