You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I could fuck to npr.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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