Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
