I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
