There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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