I want to make a zoo with you.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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