Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
