why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
