i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
