I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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