I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
