i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
