You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
