there's paper in my vomit.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
