I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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