Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
