you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
