I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can't turn off my feet"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
