is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
