I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
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#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
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He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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