Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
